Taste of Perfection

I always save the best for last. this could be long or not, but it’s what I have. I’ve had and still have a dad, but it’s no better when they left the truth and become a little absent. Now that I look at him, he is not my dad that I grew up with. he doesnt seem like a dad at first, but he was, I may have missed him when it comes to daughters and their fathers, but in general, I never cared so much about him, because ive seen how he was in the inside, impure and disgustingly immoral. he was kind, perhaps sweet, silly when he wanted to, taught me games to play, but that didnt make up my mind for what I experienced at 14 seeing him and my mom both behind and out of the doors, during covid, and being picked on in middle school. But im not here to talk about someone so selfish like him. but someone so generous and a devoted brother who I wanted as a dad. Shane was tall, gentle, kind, caring, funny, incredibly spiritual, knew almost everything yet loved learning, AND. chose the best woman in the hall. Vanessa. Vanessa is the type of woman who I would mention to anyone, anyone, even to those who dont know me, why? behind my phone are their pictures, some say I look nothing like shane, but I would look like vane, they even addressed them as my mother and father, I would respond, “I wish in some universe I was their child, but theyre my close friends and parental figures”. he was almost, perfect, someone that jehovah sent me to taste how a real spiritual father is like to have. and I am so grateful that I met him. Theres a lot of funny things I loved about him, I can always hear his laughs but theyre fading. many dont know him. and I really want them to, he is someone important to all of us, but im always sad when I think about him and vane, because he won the race before anyone else could. I miss his presence, I wish I had him with me longer, with vane longer, with all of us longer. it felt like it was cut short, or satan took him away from us to taunt us, to get us feeling down and weak. but sometimes he (shane) needs rest, he ran with effort, and that got him to win so quick. I dont and I love feeling sad and hurt internally for some reason, makes me feel like I care for a real dad. I saw him as a real dad, I just couldnt call him dada in front of his face genuinely. I wish he will read this, but even I dont know if I’ll make the race in the future. with negative thoughts in the way, and the anxiety for my future, im scared that I wont see him, but ill surely try, not just to see him but all those who I remember. The kingdom hall is a place where I think of him, but bethel is where I feel like he is hiding somewhere, I tend to look around, looking for no one, knowing theres is no one there and its just me and my thoughts in that routine. 8/28/24, I hope I can go and see where he is sleeping now, I never got to see it but only on pictures. I hope I can see it in the future, where Im with him, walking to his spot and that he is the one telling me that this is the spot he was sleeping while we’re still running around tryna keep up with him, and giving me a laugh to make it seem like it was a dream and that happened yesterday. Hope to see him, at least one last time, I never had a spiritual dad, I have doubts, but with dada and mama I feel better, I feel like I fit, even if we dont communicate as much like a real family, I just know who can take me in spiritually. (Psalm 27:10) gn shane, I believe you and vane were sent by jehovah for a reason.